When is the movie about my life coming out?

Have you even wished your life was more like a film? I sure have, a thousand times! I daydream a bit before i fall to sleep every night, and its always cheesy movie moments that springs to mind. Me at the grocerie store, dropping some oranges on the floor, they roll over to some cute guys feet, and he will help me pick them up. Not that i ever buy oranges in real life, but thats just a minor detail. Or i imagine i see someone out in the streets, preferably a hot movie star or a certain vocalist in a certain british band, and hes like "yeah, my psychic said to me i had to go to Norway, and there i would meet my true love in this street". Sure, that thing happens all the time, right? Or maybe someone spots me and will be like "wow, you're perfect for this new movie we're doing, you're gonna be a movie star". Yay, a movie star! Or its simply someone from the real life i have in mind, perhaps someone from work, maybe a friend of a friend, who knows.



So, what does one gain from daydreams like this? Not much, but i cant deny its nice to waste time on it nonetheless. I guess i wont stay single forever, but right now (and for the past 3-4 years) it sure has felt like its gonna be the case! If i meet someone, its always at the wrong time, or they have the wrong views and opinions, or they just arent interested, or they have some nasty habits, no humor, or some other flaws. Im very picky. And why should i be? Im far from perfect myself. My mood swings more than a swinger party at times, and my food habits the same. Mood goes down, food intake goes up. Then mood goes further down, and food intake reaches new heights. Being like this for nearly ten years now really drains me at times.



Food is my worst enemy. Or well, i think i am my worst enemy. I try to fix stuff, i go on diets, waste money on gym membership and personal trainers, i buy expensive but healthy food and i really try to make and effort. But then it all falls apart like a fucking fragile card house. After days or weeks (i hardly ever get as far as months) on a diet, i get desperate. I dont mean like "yeah, a cake would be nice now", i mean "I WILL KILL MYSELF IF I CANT HAVE CHEEZ DOODLES RIGHT NOW" and "if i cant eat pizza now, my life isnt worth living". Stuff like that. Its hard to talk about it with other people, as most doesnt understand what its like.

They would say "but come on, it only takes a bit more effort, you can easily do it", or "stop complaining and get a grip". Yeah right, its so easy. So then they are left with the impression that im a lazy bum who can thank herself for getting fat and in major bad shape. Sure, its my own hands stuffing yet another pizza slice into my mouth, but its not like i want it. Its a war with yourself. The heart cries, the head says "this is wrong" but the hands wont listen. And my feet, they are evil too. They carry me to the food shop over and over again, buying all kinds of crappy shit food i dont need. Pizza, chocolate, crisps, candy, more crisps, more pizza. I spend so much money of food that its embarassing. And i sometimes go to two different stores because its too embarassing to place all i want in front of me for all to see. I bet they are all thinking "yep, there goes another binge eater, you can see it all over her face, she craves it". Well, its true, so why not?



Then ill go home, make my fucking pizza, eat the whole thing and then crave some more. So i eat more, and then i eat some more on top of that. Then i get sick in every way, but i still go to the kitchen to eat some more. Yay for me, what a person i am!

But in my faithful daydreams im always in shape, like i used to be. I look slender and nice, and im not close to dying from running for the bus. And i dont reek of garlic because i had garlic bread for dinner. And i dont have a small bag of crisps hidden in my bag. And i certainly wont run to the store to buy wine so i can drown my misery when i get home. Not at all! Im successful in every way of course! Just like the movies. Just like the movies.. Where everyone is perfect. And if they arent, you can be damn sure they just "straighten up and do something about it", because its really easy and everyone should manage!



So then what? Screw it. As Bridget, i forsee a lonely death, ending in getting eaten by my dogs. Really? No, i doubt that. But when will i straighten up then? When will i fucking get a grip and stop being a Bridget? The hell i know. One day at a time, one pizza slice after another. Certainly not one boyfriend after another, haha!

Well. I am grumpy at times. Sour and bitter. No fun to hang out with. I salute the few friends who actually manages to stay cool and accept it. Thank you! One day im gonna wake up and be like "wooo, im so freaking fun to be around, and im gonna prove it today". I will. One day. Just like the movies :)



See, i can smile too!! Its true what they say, the rumors are true!! Anyway, ill turn my back on you and walk away now, tata!




3 comments

incoming

06.aug.2010 kl.00:04

<3

Ida

06.aug.2010 kl.00:20

fine deg,det blir nok en bra film ut av livet ditt også :) hold ut!! wowe til høsten fremmede? wow passer bra til vinterdvalen min ;)

Maria

06.aug.2010 kl.07:02

Ida: Ja, altså, det gikk jo bra for Bridget til slutt også!! Men det tok jo to filmer, så jeg får smøre meg med tålmodighet :p

Og spilling er helt klart den perfekte vinterhobby! Eller helårshobby, når det gjelder meg ;) Takk for koselig kommentar i allefall, fremmed eller ei ^^

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Maria

Maria

23, Oslo

Living in Oslo, and happy with that. Mostly blog about what happens in my life, which is for sure not one million different fashion outfits and beauty advices. You like reading about other stuff, then welcome :)

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